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Letter to a father and mother who have suffered a gestational loss

Writing this letter is not an easy task. I find myself searching for soothing words, words directed at two grieving parents, but I cannot seem to find them. Nothing appears to be enough, I find everything to be vulgar or useless.

Nonetheless, here I am, full of hollow words yet trying to convey hope to you. I want to let you know you that the pain that you are now feeling has limits, that the love of those who surround you does not clear away the pain you experience, but it does mitigate a lot of it. I want to tell you that this pain needs time, each person requires their own space of time and each one will grief at their own pace; there is no good or a bad way of enduring pain; everyone experiences it or expresses it in their own way.

It is important to surround yourself with people who understand you in such delicate moments, people who do not judge your feelings, your thoughts or your emotions, because we do not choose to have them: the only thing we choose, is what we do with them.

We all have an instinct aimed at overcoming any loss, however difficult it may be. There are people who need more time and those who require less and the grieving process knows nothing about pressure and, thus, cannot be hastened or slowed down.

You should be aware of your own needs, those which are in the front line, and aim to satisfy them. Everything that is important in order to solve this grief that we are enduring is found within ourselves and we just have to let ourselves be carried away by our instinct.

Surprises will arise throughout the process, some people will distance themselves and others, from whom we did not expect anything, will come closer. Expectations will frequently not be met, it may be less bad than what we have imagined, or even last shorter. Know that sadness is diluted; if we let it out, it transforms from anguish into sadness and from sadness into grief. The pain varies in intensity, length and frequency.

That there are people who can help you right now: you are not alone and it is okay to ask for help.

Pain hits us, but it does not last forever. There will be times when you will doubt if you are ever going to be able to overcome it. It is normal to have doubts, but remain patient. Ration out the pain, go step by step. Take small breaks, seek refuge with those who love you.

You will have bad days, but they will eventually become fewer and fewer. It may occur that, once you think that everything is over, the pain will reappear on important occasions. This does not imply that we have relapsed, or that we are worse: they are very common reactions. Reactions that will last for a while, but will eventually become less and less intense.

At the end, there is a horizon where the pain is not erased, but it becomes less perceptible. And once again, one goes back to embracing hope, and going out, and living: without forgetting, things will not go back to the way they were before, but we will have the ability to reconnect with life.




All of these guidelines are designed to serve as a guide for people who have suffered the loss of a loved one or to try to assist someone in their social sphere who is enduring loss. For further information or to request free psychological assistance, do not hesitate to check our website: